Hangin' in There

Whew! It's been 8 weeks since Little Angel #3 arrived...already 8 weeks! These little ones grow so fast! I'm beginning to understand more and more the passage of Genesis in which God tells Eve, "In pain shall you bring forth children." I always thought this applied to labor, which of course it does, but every day I grow in my understanding that pregnancy and labor are just the beginning of that pain. The daily little crosses don't seem extremely painful, but they are crosses nonetheless...lack of sleep, little ones making messes while I nurse, fighting, screaming, teething, disciplining a stubborn 3 year old and an impulsive and physical little boy. What gets me is that in the midst of all of this and the chaotic state that I feel my home is now in, these darling little ones are growing and changing so quickly that I can hardly grasp it or really appreciate their littleness, their complete trust and openness, and the time that I just get to spend with them. I'm finding that sometimes the greater pain is not so much in the sacrifices that must be made, but in the fact that in my own busi-ness and even my sinfulness I forget to enjoy them, or worse, I don't want to enjoy them because I just want to get the dirty dishes out of my sink. I'm thankful for the freqent realization that this time in which they are little will pass so quickly, and I try to embrace this time. On days (which are many) in which I struggle greatly with being patient with them or with the frustration of not accomplishing the housework I wanted to tackle, I tend to forget that the time will be gone before I know it. I never realized that motherhood would come with so many little heart-aches, right now the greatest of which is coming to the end of my days and reflecting on the ways in which I put myself before them and how that clouds my vision and my ability to love and serve them as I ought. But, thank God for His mercy and His grace which is sufficient and is getting us through. And I keep reminding myself that there will be another time to put the house back in order and I will get more sleep. It just doesn't have to be now, so I'll just hang in there until that time comes and focus on the fact that when I come to the end of my earthly journey, I want to offer God the Cathedral of my children, not my house.